Little Man Syndrome

This is probably going to be a Debby Downer post so brace yourself. Hahaha
Work has recently been a little frustrating. These CIDA internships seem to be hit or miss in terms of the quality of the supervisor you are given and how much they put into your development as an employee. It appears that I got the extreme shit end of the stick on this placement. I knew from the start that it was going to be a challenge, but never thought that my supervisor could be so disinterested and unengaged in my role here. Not to place any judgment, but more just outlining the truth of the matter, he is a man with a huge ego of his own intelligence and abilities, with not a care for what others are capable of and can bring to the table. He suffers from extreme little man syndrome, overcompensating in hubris and self love for his mini stature. He has, without a lie, not given me one piece of work, one piece of advice, one ounce of guidance, no resources, no direction or identification of priorities and barely gives me the time of day when I go to communicate with him. A couple of weeks ago I went in to talk to him and he literally handed me his business card and said “if you need to speak to me please send me an email and I will get back when I have the time.” Do you think he ever responds to my e-mails? Nope!! Haha
If my organization were made into an office drama, this guy would for sure be the topic of shit talking at the candy machine/water jug. Haha I don’t really have anyone at the office I can openly express my feelings on this matter with, hence why you all have to put up with it. 
Think my priorities might change here from being a field worker, going out and working hands on with the farmers (which I love), to focusing my energy on creating an inclusive environmental policy and a standardized environmental assessment approach for UCA’s programming. I can only go on my own assessments of the needs, as the direction and leadership just isn’t there to guide me towards something.
On top of that things move at the slowesssssst pace. Even just to get a ripped internet line repaired took 2.5 weeks to get done, so you can imagine on the bigger stuff, it just lags, gets pushed to the bottom of the pile, and resurfaces when you have already begun to work on something else. It’s a system I am slowly learning my place in and learning how to get around.

On to some more positive things.  Life has been grand. Getting to become closer with friends I have met here has been a blessing. There are a great many amazing souls here in the NGO community that I have been fortunate to meet and that side of life here has been beautiful. The people I have met love to dance, and the majority are beginning to really embrace the hugs, which is great because it is something I have been missing since leaving home. Back home the daily hug quota was about 15-20 people per day. Here it is usually maybe one a day if that, with maybe 10 per day on the weekends. The hug army is slowly building and it is something I would love to see grow in Ugandan society. Hugs connect hearts, they bridge barriers, they break down negative emotions, they are rejuvenating, invigorating and by far my favourite thing to do.
Went to the first International Jazz Festival this weekend at a resort along the banks of Lake Victoria. Had some of the most incredible Afro Jazz fusion blasting into the night. I have never danced so much in my life. It surprised me how few people were dancing. Had so many people pointing and laughing, guys running over and imitating my moves and then running back and laughing with their friends about it. Security guards giving me thumbs up, female resort workers covering their mouths and giggling, whispering to their friends. Oh well, couldn’t care whether I looked like a complete knob, I was having a blast. My friend Pete joined for dinner last night and he asked if anyone has come up to me for an autograph yet. I was confused.. Apparently the whole festival was being filmed (about 8 hours in all) and he said the camera was focused on my dancing for about 40% of the time. Hahaha It was broadcast on all the major Ugandan tv stations. Was really embarrassing to find out, as I was fully just giving it for the entire 8 hours, drenched in sweat, serious swamp ass in my jeans. Hope that wasn’t visible. “Hey Mzungu swamp ass, I really liked your dancing” haha
There was this incredible South African artist Miriam Makeba. The energy she put out, the wittiness, her jokes, her lively dancing, her singing, her ability to carry on for an hour.. It all amazed me. This lady gave it her all and was 76.. I was stunned the whole night and it only served to further keep me going with the full-on drenched dancing.

I head up to Nebbi and Arua come Monday for 11 days to implement some of the water and soil conservation trainings I have been developing. It should be a nice trip. I was very excited, as for a long time now I have been pushing for my co-worker Ronah to come to the field and implement some gender training workshops. My supervisor has denied her application twice, saying that there is no funding available for her to go. I took it into my own hands and contacted my boss in Ottawa asking if some of my travel allotment could be given to ronah so she could come to the field. After a couple of emails back and fourth they agreed, and Ronah was on cloud nine, soooo excited to see upcountry and get out and get some more hands on experience. I went to inform my supervisor that the funding had gone through and he told me that he will put a stop on it going through, as he doesn’t feel she is qualified ( even though she has done about 5 gender training workshops already elsewhere) and doesn’t feel it is appropriate for a Ugandan to be using my funding.. It has completely set me off, hence the motivation for writing this downer post about him, Ronah had so much hope in her eyes hearing that CCA had approved her to go to the north. She was the most excited I had seen her, smiling from ear to ear, energy at an all time peak. She was then devastated hearing she wouldn’t be going. This goes back to my supe. Not noticing the capacities and strengths of others. Ronah has so much potential and so many skills, but it seems like so many of the management staff here are holding her back and not allowing her to foster this potential. Drives me nuts!!!!

Anywho just some frustrations and good things I am going through..
Think I might end all communication with my supervisor. It is pointless to try and only puts a hamper on my energy. Not really losing anything by doing so. We shall see where things go in the next 4 months. Will keep you posted.
Love Love Love